He is generally seen around campus wearing clothing items that make little or no sense. If you attempt to interact with him in any way, he becomes frightened and immensely awkward, resembling a deer in the headlights. Many cars around campus have Jared shaped dents in them. Jared has many car-shaped dents in him. Man, getting up in the morning hurts, with all those car-shaped dents and everything.

Words that describe Jared include flax-seed, cumquat, smarmy, maraschino, truncated, and putanesca. His power animal is the dingy yellow beaver.