"The Brothers Karamazov" will always be, to me, the book that really had me questioning my faith in God and religion; the book, I guess you could say, that made me at least agnostic, maybe even an athiest. This was back in high school and now I'm re-reading the book and honestly am a little upset. I just want Dostoevsky to be an athiest so badly that sometimes I feel like I'm overanalyzing his themes to make it seem like he's undermining Christianity..or religion...or something. It's frusterating. Obviously Dostoevsky is questioning his religious faith in some way (perhaps reflected in the many conversations about the Church, the Grand Inquisitor, etc) but everything would be so much clearer, to me at least, if we knew for a fact that Dostoevsky detested religion. Right now, all I am is confused by what point he is trying to make. He writes that Alyosha is a realist who is searching for truth, yet Alyosha is undoubtedly religious. I'm not saying that realists need not be struck by religion, but I wish the lines were a little sharper. I want Alyosha to be the idealist, and in my perfect world, Ivan would be that awesome athiest who is actually a realist, who demands truth. Dostoevsky is kind of messing with my mind: does he throw himself fully into religion, or does the realize the danger of doing so?
This is kind of poorly written, but I guess it's just my frustration bubbling over.