So there I was, picking up the phone, sweat dripping down my temples as I dialed the number from the fluorescent screen. The tone began: "Ring... Ring...Ring...Ring...I'm sorry, I'm not available at the moment so if you wish you leave a message I'll get back to you as soon as possible." My shoulders immediately fell in relief, my heart-rate dropped and my breathing returned to normal. Speaking to an answering machine was much less daunting than a real human being, much less a college coach.
For me, the recruitment process was a lot like that. It was nerve-racking, it was tiring. All in all it was terrifying. Looking back, it was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. I was in consant fear that I wasn't good enough to get where I wanted to go. It wasn't necessarily a fear of rejection that got me so flustered, it was the fear of failing to reach my life-long goal of playing NCAA hockey and cutting my career short, not to mention the feeling of letting down my parents after all the time and money they put into my passion. I couldn't imagine my college experience without my first love right beside me.
I started crafting e-mails, calling coaches, and attending recruiting camps after my freshman year of high school. Fast forward three years and at the very last moment (and I mean LAST possible second) I finally wound up with an e-mail from Coach Matthews at Amherst College asking if I'd like to come play for them next season. I remember this moment so vividly. It was 10pm in the winter and I had just finished practice. The parking lot was full when I got to the rink so I had to walk for forever in the freezing Canadian cold to get back to my car. I packed it up and turned the car on to let it heat up. My phone was dead so I let it charge in the car and once it turned on I checked my texts and my e-mails. It was in that moment that I got an e-mail from Coach Matthews offering me a spot on the team and I was frozen, not because of the temperature but because I was so happy. I immediately returned the e-mail saying "yes, yes, yes 1000 times yes!" as though I had just been proposed to, which technically I had been. This was the beginning of another 4 years I could spend with my favourite passtime in the world.
This sounds like the cheesiest love story ever, and maybe it is, but think about it. Imagine your passion; be it painting, singing, the violin, or stand-up comedy. Imagine being on the verge of losing that single thing forever. You would probably lose a piece of yourself. I'm sure this also sounds like hyperbole, but this is what it felt like to me at the time.
So, while this story is a little less than uplifting and a lot of you won't be able to relate, the few of you who have gone through struggles like this where you keep trying and keep trying and keep trying and NOTHING seems to be working out, you can maybe find a shred of hope for yourself. I know it's tough to persevere, especially when everything seems to be going wrong and ESPECIALLY when you're surrounded by people who seem to have everything going their way, but the never give up attitude (as cliche as it sounds) will eventually pan out. Even if it's at the very last second, as most of my achievements have been. If you want something badly enough, there's no reason you should ever stop trying.
I think that's all I wanted to say today... Obviously if you can avoid taking the tumultuous path, for the sake of your own sanity choose that route. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours and hope none of you have the same kind of luck as I do in these situations.
Happens to everyone sometimes this does,
E