Nearly three decades ago, when the Earth was still cooling and Chris Bohjalian was obscure, we bade farewell to the concerns of youth and marched off into the world. Curiously, tradition dictates that college classes celebrate the anniversary of their parting at graduation, but if you want to look at 2012 as the 34th anniversary of the coming-together of the amazing Class of 1982, well, that would be a very liberal-arts ("who are we to say that's 'wrong'?") perspective.
So much has changed since that day; everything, really, except Norton Starr.* We used to be able to party all night yet study all day, or the other way around if you were Phi Gam. We wear purple somewhat less frequently. Introduction to Liberal Studies departed the earth before our diplomas were dry. Oh, and somewhere along the line, we turned into the people we always hoped we might become.
If you were at our 25th Reunion, you'll remember the amazing spirit and camaraderie, and if you weren't, we missed you! Come to the 30th and see what keen people your classmates are now - yes, even the ones you couldn't stand. (Don't make us have Fitz subpoena you.)
We are deep into the planning for our 30th Reunion, and fairly soon we'll have to get up off the divan and do something about it. These things we know: Our reunion headquarters will be DU. (The college calls it "Porter" now. Ignore them.) Reunion runs from the evening of Wednesday, May 23 to Sunday morning, May 27 with most of the activities scheduled Friday to Saturday night. Yes, it's Memorial Day weekend; come spend it on Memorial Hill! The weekend will include plenty of time for conversation and re-engagement, athletic activities, entertainment, nostalgic canoodling under the Pratt Field stands and educational programs. More details will follow as the plans, people and programming are confirmed.
Message from your Attendance Chair
WARNING: THIS EMAIL IS BOTH TOP-SECRET AND RATED PG-13. IT MAY CONTAIN BIG WORDS, BIG NAMES AND BIG FUN. THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN ANY MOOD TO READ YET ANOTHER HYPERLINK-INFUSED EMAIL FROM COHAN ARE ADVISED TO DELETE IT NOW. OTHERWISE, YOU MAY BE FORCED TO CRACK A SMILE AND, HEAVEN FORBID, GIGGLE...
Thought you'd heard the last from me? Relieved that. after 5 long years, you'd finally escaped Cohan email hell? Well, think again...
Since Reunion Co-Chairs JJ Gertler and Dana Curry-Lorway (and their ever-persuasive 30th Reunion Posse) somehow arm-twisted me into becoming the "Attendance Chairman" for this quinquennial shindig, I've been asked to send out one last blast to you all to invite those of you who are still on the fence - and have no serious plans for Memorial Day Weekend other than a snoozer of a backyard barbecue - which, by the way produces copious amounts of carcinogens - to reconsider and come to the Reunion. (According to the Amherst Alumni Office elves, it's not too late to register...)
Our soiree actually shaping up to be a genuine bacchanal, with great food, mediocre beer, phenomenal live music, boatloads of adult and rugrat activities and, most importantly, a terrific bunch of classmates who are just aching to see how well you've aged.
So if you'd like a far more entertaining, memorable and spiritually enlightening Memorial Day Weekend than you've experienced in 5 years, why don't you just throw caution to the wind, strap the Golden Retriever to the roof of the Volvo wagon, throw some shorts, flip-flops and T-shirts in a reusable shopping bag and spend a great weekend with your fellow '82-er's.
Reunion Rapid Registration Info and Links:
- Reunion Dates: May 23 - 27, 2012 (Memorial Day Weekend)
- Online Signup Link: https://www.amherst.edu/reunion_reg (requires Username and Password)
- Paper Signup Link: https://www.amherst.edu/system/files/1982.pdf (print, fill out and send)
- 30th Reunion Headquarters: Porter House (the former D.U. fraternity)
- Activity Schedule: https://www.amherst.edu/alumni/events/reunion/schedule
- Children's Schedule: https://www.amherst.edu/alumni/events/reunion/children
- Class of 1982 Homepage: https://www.amherst.edu/alumni/classpages/1982
- Cost: $200 per person (16 and over); FREE for children (15 and under)
Gary R. Cohan, M.D., F.A.C.P.
Please send me nominations for class officers for the next 5 years!
A: nominate yourself (seriously, I won’t tell)
B: nominate a classmate
C: nominate yourself (yes I am serious)
As our 30th Reunion approaches (be there or be square), it is time to thank our current class officers and to elect our next august group for their 5 year terms.
First thanks to our outgoing slate of volunteers on a job well done:
President............................................................. Matt Lerner
Vice President...................................................... Neil Banta
Secretaries........................................................... Hannah Strasser, Gary Cohan & Kimberlee Kusiak
Reunion Chairs..................................................... Dana Curry Lorway & J.J. Gertler
Treasurer............................................................. David Dean
Web Editor…………………………………….......... Annette Boyle
The best part about doing this is you get to reconnect with classmates and the college in a new and different way. You will not regret it.
If you wonder what the job entails, see below.
CLASS PRESIDENT: Responsible for actively assuming leadership for the class. He or she acts as consultant to Alumni and Parent Programs on all matters pertaining to the class or alumni relations. The president takes primary responsibility and leadership for all non-fundraising class activities such as Homecoming and class dinners.
VICE PRESIDENT: Responsible for supporting the class president as needed; often helps in executing specific class projects.
TREASURER: This person keeps track of available class funds and pays bills that the class owes to vendors and to the College.
SECRETARY/IES (2): Responsible for keeping classmates informed and in touch with one another. The class secretaries are aggressive news gatherers charged with writing a quarterly class notes column for the Amherst magazine/class website.
REUNION CO-CHAIRS (2): Responsible for recruiting and managing a group of classmates to plan and oversee class reunion activities. The success of a class reunion depends on the efforts, organization and creativity of these individuals. He or she must be able to manage, delegate, meet deadlines and be comfortable writing to the class and speaking with classmates about the reunion.
WEB EDITOR: Responsible for managing the class website. A technical background is not required for this position since our online services are designed to be easy to use. A web editor should be skilled in editing and organizing information, but does not necessarily need to know any programming or code, such as html. Above all, the class web editor needs to be a good communicator, a proficient editor and able to make frequent updates to online information.
Please note that elected officers must be prepared to commit to their role for five years beginning in June 2012 -- after our upcoming Reunion .
David B. Wilson
Message from your Attendance Chair
CAUTION: THIS EMAIL IS RATED PG-13. IT INTENDED FOR ADULT VIEWING ONLY!!!
SOME OF THE HYPERLINKS MAY CONTAIN WORDS AND/OR IMAGES THAT WILL
LIKELY BE USED AS ATTACK ADS IN THE UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION...
Gracious and Ever-Patient Classmates,
I screwed up.
I got the Reunion dates wrong on the email I sent yesterday. The ACTUAL dates for our 30th Reunion are Wednesday, May 23rd through Sunday May 27th, 2012. Thankfully, the Amherst website wouldn't have allowed you to show up to an empty campus wondering where all the beer went...
The deluge of overly kind emails pointing this fact out to me was very much appreciated. I haven't heard the words "knucklehead" and "cretin" repeated so often since my dear Dad taught me how to ride a bike as a youth. As I've said many times before, you guys really need to hire a 24 year-old for this position. Or at least someone who can remember to put on his reading glasses so he can actually see a calendar*.
Registration website remains at: https://www.amherst.edu/alumni/events/reunion.
Happy MLK Day Weekend and remember to floss,
*P.S. FULL DISCLOSURE: As I was composing yesterday's email, I squinted at the micro-calendar that some young whippersnapper gifted to me - without the benefit of my 1.50 readers that were temporarily forgotten in one of my exam rooms and not nestled in their usual hiding place on top of the remaining hairs on my 51-year-old skull - and I got my dates wrong. My apologies for the confusion and turmoil. However, now you know that it was authentic because it was sent by someone with both presbyopia and short-term memory loss. And I had the distinct honor of apologizing yet again for a simple Reunion email. Life is good...
Gary R. Cohan, M.D., F.A.C.P
Message from your Attendance Chair
I regret to inform you that an unholy cabal of 30th Reunion organizers (masterminded by aerospace/weapons expert and Reunion Co-Chair, JJ Gertler) has successfully employed Cheney-style "enhanced persuasion techniques" and inveigled me to accept the role of Attendance Chairperson for our May 2012 Reunion on Memorial Day weekend 2012.
What does this sudden development mean for you? Essentially, six months of entertaining electronic entreaties from me noodging you until you relent and make the right decision to attend.
A few FAQ's (with helpful hyperlinks):
- When is this quinquennial shindig again?
- Wednesday, May 23 - Sunday, May 27, 2012. (Memorial Day weekend)
- Online registration will go live in January
- Is anybody worth talking to coming?
- If mingling with the likes of bestselling authors, high-level military commanders, U.S. attorneys (present and former), criminal justice professors, genetic counselors, senior sportswriters, Federal government officials, physicians, psychology professors, attorneys, chief legal officers, environmental law experts, ExperiMentalists, multinational corporation Presidents, rock stars, college counseling directors, world travelers, dog whisperers, Serial Moms, Extreme Sports Medicine specialists, Arctic explorers, Hollywood power brokers and me doesn't excite you, then we'll have more than enough hedge fund managers in attendance to get you in deep trouble.
- NOTE: All of the hyperlinked folks have been invited but are not yet confirmed. After receiving this email with the attendant free publicity, however, it would be highly uncivilized for them not to attend.
- How will I stave off boredom during those 72 hours?
- Other than sharing warm, nostalgic remembrances of those magical years when the Massachusetts drinking age serendipitously mirrored our own ages and the Whole Wheat Pizza Company soothed our munchies and exacerbated our zits, there will be food, alcohol, musical entertainment, panel discussions, Stanley Rabinowitz, art exhibits, athletic/exercise opportunities, campus tours and enough degenerative joint disease and benign prostatic hypertrophy stories to keep you entertained for hours on end.
- To give you a taste of what's to come, here's the Official Reunion Activity schedule from 2011: https://www.amherst.edu/alumni/events/reunion/schedule (2012 Reunion Schedule to be finalized in the next few months.)
- What's for dinner?
- Chez Valentine and a big-assed Class Dinner on Saturday night (05/26/2011).
- Will you be providing "medical marijuana" from California?
- Yes.* We're having 20 kilos of the finest "B.C. Bud" shipped directly to College President Biddy Martin's climate-controlled, walk-in humidor for safekeeping.
- Each classmate/family will receive two large brownies, 6 expertly pre-rolled joints and whatever loose stuff is left over.
- *Subject to local, state and Federal laws.
- Can/should I bring the kids?
- Yes. Who do you think is going to bake the brownies and roll those tight, little joints?
- Official Kids Reunion Program can be found here: https://www.amherst.edu/alumni/events/reunion/children
- Where is our Reunion Headquarters?
- Our tent will be located in the vicinity of the Main Commons in front of D.U. This way, you can spend the weekend making "D.U.I." jokes if you are at a loss for conversation.
- Check out this very cool map of the Amherst Campus to reorient yourself: https://www.amherst.edu/map/Amherst_College_Map.pdf
- NOTE: the former D.U. fraternity house is now named after an excellent cut of beef, "Porter House."
- Will Bohjalian be giving out free books?
- Yes. In fact, he will be handing out his whole hardcover collection to each classmate with free links to his audiobooks.
- He just doesn't know this yet.
- Will Fitz subpoena me for anything?
- No. He'll be too busy changing his newborn's (Declan) diapers and running after (older son) Conor. (Wife) Jenni has the weekend off.
- How much is this going to cost me?
- Less than your monthly cable and heating bills combined, depending on where you live and what premium channels you get.
- Numbers are being crunched by ace accountant Dave Dean as of this writing.
- Where will I stay?
- There's a beautiful Peninsula Hotel with a great spa/gym about 172 miles south in NYC.
- Otherwise, you'll stay in one of Amherst's fabulously renovated dorms -- something that's certain to make you kvetch about the primitive living conditions we were forced to endure 30 years ago.
- The newly renovated Lord Jeffery Inn has reopened, but good luck snagging a room there.
Interested? Then PLEASE go to our 30th Reunion Facebook Page and add your name to the list of attendees. This way you'll know who else is coming, who to call/email/blackmail to attend and who to avoid at all costs.
If you have any questions about any of the above, please let me know. More information to follow as it becomes available.
P.S. If you were tempted to look up the words "inveigle" and/or "quinquagenerian" then you definitely should come back to the College and learn something new.