As is often the case with the release of horrible events, I can't stop rereading the same news blips in disbelief, hoping that something was written in error, that something was overlooked. I have been shifting between grief, denial, avoidance, numbness, and anger after hearing about Alice.

But then I think of Alice herself. And I realize, none of these emotions were ever present in all the time I spent and corresponded with her. She was truly a bright, little light in countless lives. You didn't need to know Alice well at all to realize what a gift she was to the world. I myself was lucky enough to be her friend through a few shared interests, and the regular correspondence of PlanWorld, but it's a testament to how glowing her presence was and is that I feel her loss so bitterly.

Even those who met her just once knew immediately they were in the presence of a lovely cherub. Alice knew what it meant to live fully. She took joy from and gave joy to all those around her. She was easily content, and always striving to make others feel good. She was effortlessly gentle with all living things, but retained a cheeky sense of humor. She was the best of all things, but also comfortingly human.

I am still having a hard time with the fact that she is not here anymore, but then I realize, all the ways she touched people and made herself a presence of hope and kindness in the world, those things cannot be taken away. Those things can still be remembered everyday, and shared as a way to remember her. I know that she would want it that way. Anybody who can make you feel bigger and better than yourself deserves fulfillment of the light she put into everyone else's lives.

Alice, thank you for teaching me what it means to live, to love, and to learn. Your smile will remain with me forever.

I miss my friend, and will love her dearly always.